Fallen
by spikesscarlett
Summary: Its been 10months since Spikes death and in that time Buffy has turned to alcohol, wild parties and 1 night stands to help her deal. But when Spike returns, will she be able to sort herself out? Or is she too far gone to care...sb
1. Broken

**Disclaimer: **None of the characters mentioned in this story belong to me. They all belong to Joss. sigh

**Summery: **It's been 10 months since Spike's death and in that time, Buffy has turned to alcohol, wild parties and random one night stands to help her deal. But then Spike returns, will he be able to help her sort herself out? Or is she too far gone to care…

**Chapter one: Broken **

Dawn Summers stood silently in the kitchen of the small apartment that she shared with her sister. It was almost half past eleven in the morning and she knew that Buffy would be getting up soon so, like a good little sister should, Dawn was making the slayer her favourite breakfast/ lunch, which was now…strong black coffee.

Taking the large white, steaming mug into her hands, Dawn strolled off and opened the creaky door to Buffy's smoky bedroom. Buffy was still asleep, half on the bed and half off it, with an anonymous naked male snoring loudly by her side. Dawn scrunched up her nose in disgust and left the coffee on the cluttered bedside table. Making sure to close the door quietly she went out and back into the kitchen.

Looking at her watch, the seventeen-year-old realised that she was late meeting her boyfriend, Rory at the coffee house a few blocks away from the apartment block. Sighing she took out a pen and small piece of scrap paper and scribbled down where she had gone, and saying that she didn't know what time she would be back by. She knew that Buffy wouldn't care anyway so Dawn guessed that she could write near enough anything she wanted on the note.

When she had finished, Dawn checked her hair and make-up in the mirror above the bathroom sink and walked out, leaving Buffy and her one-time-lover alone.

Buffy groaned as her eyes fluttered open and she left the sweet comfort of slumber land behind. Her head was pounding and she was aching for a cigarette, but she had promised Dawn that she would cut down, so she tried to ignore it. She groaned again when she saw a sleeping man naked beside her and shook him violently awake.

"Hey" he said sleepily, he moved in to kiss her but she pushed him away in disgust,

"Get dressed and get out" he blinked a few times at her harsh words,

"I'm sorry did you not hear me?" she asked viciously, he nodded and got out of bed. Buffy groaned again and he spoke,

"Y'know, you didn't seem so bitchy last night…" she cut him off,

"Oh fuck off, I was drunk and you know it so just hurry up and get the hell out of my home"

After the guy had gone, Buffy was sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands and the empty white mug opposite her. She was crying. She did this most days now, after the hangover had worn off with plenty of aspirin and coffee, the slayer would just slump down at the table and sob her broken heart out. Her sister hated her, her friends had deserted her, and the love of her life was dead.

She had tried everything to take her mind off him, but to no avail. Not even the alcohol helped anymore, it would just make her even more depressed and then go and sleep with a guy to try and numb the ripping pain even more. She had got herself a bad reputation for sleeping with one, sometimes maybe even two guys a night and screaming out 'Spike' when she climaxed. Women whispered nasty gossip about her and men bet each other money that they could take advantage of her usually drunken state.

It hadn't always been that way. Immediately after the hell mouth was destroyed, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Kennedy, Andrew, Xander and Giles had all moved into a large house in the suburbs of San Diego. Money wasn't an issue as Giles had access to all of the council's funds, and Buffy was able to get a reasonably well paid job working in a gym. It was all going great for about a month before the reality that she would never see Spike again began to sink in.

After that, Buffy began smoking, drinking, sleeping with random men and ignoring her friends. She didn't turn up for work and was fired from her job. Willow and Kennedy were the first to move out, sick to death of Buffy's behaviour. Xander, Andrew and Giles all tried to talk her out of it before also moving away. Dawn's low wages were not enough to keep the lovely house, so the two of them were forced to move into a crappy apartment in downtown Low Angeles. Dawn still blamed Buffy for that.

Buffy blamed Spike.

"Why did you leave me?" she whispered into the empty apartment, "We could have been so happy"

She knew that it was no use talking to herself like that, so she wiped her eyes and went into her room to get dressed. Her fashion sense had definitely changed; all of the stylish little tops and classy jeans had been thrown out, only to be replaced by tiny little micro mini skirts and practically none-existent tops. The only thing that she hadn't thrown out was a pair of grey sweatpants and a delicate cream sweater.

Deciding that they were the best things to wear today, Buffy threw them on and fished into her jacket pocket for cigarettes. She smiled when she inhaled her first one of the day.

Buffy was flicking through a magazine when Dawn got back, it was about ten O clock and the youngest was shocked to find Buffy still home. She was usually out clubbing it by now. She decided that this was a good opportunity to have a talk with her,

"Hey" she said gently, plonking herself on the chair opposite Buffy, Buffy put down her magazine and looked at her sibling with no expression whatsoever,

"What's up?"

"Nothing much, I just…just thought that we could talk for a little bit"

"About what?"

"Well…" Dawn struggled to find the right words, "…Aren't you usually out by now? It's ten O clock" Buffy looked at the clock hanging over the door,

"So it is, why? Do you not want me here?" Dawn shook her head,

"Yes, yes of course I do! It's just unusual that we spend any time together these days" they shared a moment before Buffy spoke up,

"I'm sorry Dawnie, I'm just not the girl I was…I've grown up a lot" Dawn now became angry,

"You think that going out and getting drunk every night is grown up! You've changed, yeah, I can see that. But not for the better."

Buffy stood up, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Huh?" Dawn stood up and matched her sister's anger with her own,

"You know exactly what I mean, you're not the Buffy that I loved, you're not the Buffy that the scoobies loved and you're defiantly not the Buffy that Spike loved!" her harsh words hung in the air for a moment before Buffy spoke with a threatening tone,

"Don't you dare bring him into this" Dawn folded her arms,

"I need to. Buffy, this has got to stop. The drinking, the smoking, the cheap behaviour, we both know why you're doing it. It's not because you've grown up Buffy, it's because you can't deal with the fact that Spike is gone" Buffy's eyes began to fill up and she collapsed into the chair,

"He didn't believe me" she choked and Dawn sat down and frowned,

"What?"

"When I told him that I loved him, he didn't believe me. He died thinking that he wasn't loved" Dawn placed her hand over her mouth,

"Buffy…" she spoke, "…why didn't you tell me this before?"

"It hurts too much to talk about" For the first time in what felt like years, Dawn put her arms around her sister and let Buffy cry. The formally strong, together slayer was now a broken shell of what she once was.

Please review! Scarlett x


	2. A turn for the better

**Disclaimer: **See chapter one.

**A/N: **Wow guys thanks for the reviews, and I promise that Spike will be making his appearance soon! Don't worry I'm a die hard spuffy fan too :O)

**Chapter two: A turn for the better**

Buffy regretted setting her alarm as soon as the shrill ring of the clock woke her from her dreamless sleep. After seeing her sister stay home and sober for all the night before, Dawn had for some reason assumed that Buffy's lifestyle was going to take a turn for the better, thus persuading her to set her alarm early like she did ten months ago. Buffy had to laugh out loud at that; unless Dawn had somehow come up with another way to numb the ripping pain that losing Spike had caused the slayer, she would continue to live her life the way that she felt was best to take her mind off of her platinum vampire.

Unfortunately, this way of living was frowned upon by everyone else.

xxxxx

Dawn Summers was excited. The teen felt that she had managed to get through to Buffy the previous night and was hoping to finally spend the day hanging out, having coffee and maybe even doing some shopping together by taking advantage of her raise at work. It would be almost exactly like old times and spending some quality time with her sister was something that she had wanted to do for a while now.

Upon hearing the sound of the alarm clock in Buffy's bedroom, Dawn smiled and waited for the slayer to come out so that they could discuss the day's events. After ten minutes had gone by, the younger sibling frowned and went to see what was wrong. She sighed when she saw that Buffy had just rolled over and was sleeping soundly once again.

"Buffy!" she shouted and she heard a muffled groan come from the bed, followed by Buffy's tired voice,

"What?" she groaned, annoyed. Dawn took an opportunity and pushed her sister off of the bed. Buffy stood up, obviously angry,

"Hey! Can't you see I'm sleeping here?"

"Buffy, it's ten O clock, you should be getting up now anyway…I was thinking that maybe when you're dressed we could do something together like, I dunno, shop or go see a movie?" Buffy raised her eyebrow,

"I'll tell you what, you go with Corey and I'll stay here on my own…I could do with some quality time with Buffy right now" Dawn sighed,

"It's Rory, and you've had months of time alone"

"Yeah, well I need some more. Just go" Dawn realised that she was getting nowhere and sneered,

"You're pathetic, do you know that?"

"Just go" Dawn gave her sister a look and strolled out of the apartment, leaving Buffy once again alone with her thoughts…and alcohol.

xxxxx

Hours later, a half-drunk Buffy; dressed in a short, brown leather skirt and white spaghetti strapped top was on her way to her usual bar. Upon entering she was met by the sneers from most of the women and sniggers from the men who, she assumed, would try every pick up line in history to get her into bed. Sighing dramatically, the slayer plopped ungracefully down on one of the bar stools and ordered her first two tequila shots of the night.

She was just about to down the second shot when a tall man who Buffy guessed was in his mid thirties came and sat next to her. He smiled enthusiastically,

"Darren" he said and she smiled sweetly,

"Buffy"

"I know…" he said, "…I'm a friend of Paul's"

"Who?"

"Paul, y'know week before last you two got it on" Buffy rolled her eyes; she remembered nothing of this Paul. Darren continued,

"So, can I get you another drink?" Buffy gulped down the tequila shot and held it up,

"Another couple of these please"

xxxxx

Dawn opened the door to the apartment and sighed when she noticed that Buffy wasn't there. 'So much for taking a turn for the better' she thought as she took off her jacket and sat on the sofa with a magazine, she was just acknowledging herself on the latest news about Britney's pregnancy when she heard a soft knock on the door,

"Coming!" she called, rushing over to let the visitor in. Her mouth dropped open and the magazine fell from her hands when she saw who it was;

The first, wearing Spike's body was stood in the doorway. Dawn narrowed her eyes,

"What the hell do you want?" Dawn could have sworn that the first looked surprised at the hostility that she was showing it,

"Look, bit…"

"Don't call me that!" she screamed, "Nobody except Spike calls me that nickname!" The first looked confused,

"What's going on Dawn? I am Spike" Dawn's anger only grew at this statement,

"You are not Spike! Spike is dead…" tears began falling down her reddened cheeks as she spoke,

"…and you can look like him right down to the colour of his eyes but you will never, ever be him" she began to sob uncontrollably,

"I am Spike, now invite me in and I'll prove it to you" Dawn sneered,

"Nice try"

"Well you come out here then" Dawn narrowed her eyes and paused for a moment, before cautiously walking out of the apartment and into the hall,

"Go on then…" she whispered, "…prove it" there was a short pause before Dawn felt two cool, strong arms wrap around her and pull her into a silent hug, and the teen sobbed when she realised that it was indeed Spike. Pulling away from him, she didn't know what to say so she was relieved when he spoke first,

"How have you been?"

"I've been okay; I have a boyfriend and a job…"

"A boyfriend?" Dawn laughed, this was definitely Spike, no-one else could be this protective of her when it came to boys,

"Yes, his name is Rory and he's fully respectable" Spike nodded and decided that he couldn't hold off his next question any longer,

"What about your sister? Does she have a boyfriend?" Dawn took a deep breath and shook her head. Telling Spike about the state that Buffy was in would do nothing but ruin the moment. She walked into the apartment,

"Buffy's not home right now she's…busy. Come in" Spike walked over the threshold and into the small apartment.

"Do you want anything? I'm sorry we don't have any blood" Spike shook his head,

"No thanks, I ate about an hour ago so I'm good" The two ex best friends sat opposite each other at the kitchen table and there was a silence before Dawn spoke,

"So…what happened? Buffy said you burned up down in the hellmouth and now you're here…"

"Even I'm not too sure about that myself, all I know is that after the big fight I somehow became trapped in that amulet, nineteen days later I woke up in the crater that used to be Sunnydale" Dawn frowned,

"But it's been ten months, why didn't you come here straight away?"

"Well, for the first six months, I was incorporeal. I couldn't touch or move anything so I physically couldn't" Dawn nodded,

"And then what happened?"

"Well I decided that the only person that could help me was the person I hated the most, Angel. So after a lot of arguing and persuading I managed to convince him to do a spell that made me solid again, after that it was just a case of building up the courage to come back to you and Buffy"

"How did you know where we live?"

"I annoyed Angel so much that he told me just to get me to go away" Dawn chuckled but stopped when Spike asked his next question,

"So when will Buffy be back?" Dawn froze. It was almost two in the morning; Buffy usually came home about now. Dawn took in a deep breath and let it out again as she thought about the state that Buffy would be in when she returned home, most likely with yet another drunken man.

"Uh…I'm not sure, maybe…" she stopped when she heard the sound of Buffy's key in the door.

Xxxxx

Please review Scarlett x


	3. Soulmates

**Disclaimer: **See chapter one

**A/N: **

Just so you know, I've started a new fic. It's called 'Only You' so check it out. 

This chapter contains some sexual content.

**Chapter three: Soul-mates **

Buffy and Darren staggered clumsily out of the elevator and into the hallway. They had been drinking all night and Darren had bought Buffy another four tequila shots and two large screwdrivers before she suggested that they head back to her apartment. Darren placed sloppy, wet kisses on her neck as she fumbled with her keys and unlocked the door.

The door opened, and the two of them stumbled into her apartment before Darren closed the door by kicking it shut with his leg, as his hands were too busy groping Buffy. They were so engrossed in each other's drunken advances that neither of them heard Dawn Summers clearing her throat. The teenager tried this approach one more time before eventually giving up and yelling her sister's name at the top of her lungs,

"Buffy!" The older sibling put her palm on Darren's chest and pushed him away,

"Dawn! What have I told you abou…" Buffy stopped in mid sentence and covered her mouth with her hand when she saw the other presence in the room, standing there and looking mightily pissed off. There was a long silence, where only Buffy's heavy breathing could be heard. She looked across at Dawn who just nodded, and she knew he was real. It was really him. Her Spike had come home to her. Nobody knew what to say, and Buffy realised that she was still in Darren's arms. With a sound that stated pure disgust, Buffy broke away from him and signalled for him to leave. He took the hint and stormed angrily away, slamming the door behind him.

There was a few more seconds of silence before Buffy walked slowly up to Spike and wrapped her arms around his neck before meeting his lips with hers in a slow, tender kiss. Dawn suddenly became very interested in the pans that were hanging above the oven as the kiss continued and Buffy opened her mouth and moaned into his. She became confused as she tried to deepen the kiss and he pulled away from her, a look of…was that anger, on his handsome features. She frowned in confusion,

"What's the matter? Aren't you happy to see me?" Spike unwrapped Buffy's arms from around his neck,

"You have a boyfriend, and you're drunk" Dawn took this as her que to go into her bedroom and leave the slayer and vampire alone.

"I'm not that drunk, and what are you talking about Spike? I don't have a boyfriend" Spike raised an eyebrow,

"Oh so I just hallucinated that guy you were with just now" Buffy gasped, she had forgotten about Darren,

"Oh my God, Spike I am so sorry you had to see that but he's not my boyfriend" Spike looked confused,

"I don't understand Buffy, because were I was standing it looked like you two were gonna…oh"

"Oh what?"

"Oh, I understand perfectly now."

"What?"

"You do this often do you? Go out, get drunk and sleep with some random guy?" Buffy felt tears begin to sting her eyes. She couldn't look at him, how could she explain to him that in the ten months without him by her side she had been doing exactly that at least three times a week? Oh God! He was gonna leave her, she had messed up and the love of her life was gonna walk out of her life for good. She realised that she had to say something,

"Spike…listen to me. It's been so hard living my life without you…"

"Oh don't give me that tortured act…" he was getting really angry now, she could tell, "…I came back to you but now I'm not so sure that I want to have the local slut as my girlfriend" Tears were streaming down Buffy's face now,

"Spike, please…"

"I'm gonna go" Buffy reached out and grabbed the lapels of his duster,

"Please don't leave me!" he shrugged her off and walked quickly out of the apartment, not bothering to close the door behind him. Buffy just stood, numb, in the kitchen for a couple of seconds before collapsing to her knees in tears. Dawn rushed out of her bedroom and knelt down beside her,

"Buffy, I heard" the slayer looked up, mascara streaming down her face in black streaks,

"He left me… and I don't think he's coming back Dawn. Oh God! I don't think I can lose him Dawnie, not again"

"He will Buffy, he loves you" Buffy shook her head,

"No he doesn't, not anymore…he hates me"

"Buffy. Spike doesn't hate you. He worships the very ground you walk on…he's shocked that's all"

"You think so?"

"I know so, Buffy this time tomorrow you and Spike will be the happiest couple in California" This made Buffy smile a little.

00000

The next day, Dawn was up first as usual. She had been thinking of ways to make Spike come back to Buffy sooner rather than later and had remembered that he had given her his cell phone number whilst they had chatted earlier. Not bothering whether he was awake or not, she dialled the number on her own cell and waited for his reply. It came after a couple of rings,

"'ello?" Dawn frowned, he sounded ill,

"Hey Spike, it's Dawn."

"Oh Hey Nibblet"

"You sound weird, what's going on?"

"Nothing much, just got a wicked hangover is all" Dawn's eyes widened, God! That guy had some nerve,

"So you're telling me you got drunk last night"

"Yeah but…"

"You got drunk after yelling at Buffy about her crappy lifestyle"

"Um…yeah"

"Spike, you and my sister are soul mates. Get your skinny ass down here right now and make up with her…she is distraught!"

"Daylight"

"Get an umbrella" she hung up just as Buffy was dragging herself out of her bedroom. Her eyes were red and puffy; she had been crying again.

"Hey sweetie, you okay?"

"I didn't sleep well last night, Dawn what if he doesn't come back?" Dawn smiled,

"Oh, he will"

"I just love him so much y'know?" Dawn nodded and pulled out one of the kitchen chairs for Buffy to sit on,

"I know you do"

Hours passed. Dawn had gone out with Rory, leaving Buffy at home. It was just coming up for seven and the slayer had only just changed out of her pyjamas. She was just about to go and pour herself a little drink to help ease the pain when a knock on the door made her jump. Sighing, she walked up to answer it and looked down at the floor when she saw who it was.

"Spike" she gasped, the vampire was stood there with a black umbrella in his hand, "Do you want to come in or are just popping round to say goodbye?" Spike didn't say anything, just took her into his arms and hugged her tightly before pulling back to look into her emerald eyes,

"I'm here to stay…if you still want me to. After the way I behaved…" she cut him off by pressing her lips to his,

"Of course I want you to stay…I love you" he smiled and she saw tears forming in his sapphire orbs,

"You really do?"

"I really, really do. Spike, please don't leave me ever" He shook his head and kissed her again, deeper this time and their tongues danced together. Buffy's arms wrapped around his neck and toyed with his platinum hair and his hands roamed their way from her waist to her ass, squeezing it gently. The kiss was broken when Buffy needed to breath and they looked deep into each other's eyes again,

"Dawn's not gonna be home for hours…" she whispered as she took his hand. They stood there for a moment before Buffy lead him slowly into her bedroom.

The couple sat on the double bed and their lips met again, Buffy took his hand and guided it to her right breast. She moaned into the kiss as his hand slipped under her skimpy top and he took his nipple in between his thumb and forefinger and rolled it as it hardened. They broke the kiss again to remove the top half of their clothing and Spike gazed in awe at her naked breasts. She smiled almost shyly but remained calm as he slowly lowered his head and took one of her rosy nipples into his mouth, sucking at it and teasing it with his expert tongue. She placed gentle kisses on his blonde head as she gasped and moaned with the sensations that were running through her body.

He broke away from her nipple and came up for another kiss before pulling her skirt down her smooth, tanned legs to reveal a small, black piece of material that passed as a thong. She kissed him passionately as she undid his belt buckle and unzipped his jeans, pulling them off him and throwing them somewhere else in the room. He did the same with her thong and the two didn't waste any time before they were completely all over each other, they found it difficult to get under the sheets on the bed without breaking the kiss but somehow managed the task.

Under the covers, both of them were tired of foreplay, they just wanted so much to make love. She rolled on top of him and there eyes met again for what seemed like an eternity before he slowly thrust into her soaking core. Neither of them thought that they would get the chance to make love to one another ever again, and tears began to silently fall down Buffy's face before Spike leaned in and gently kissed them away.

"Shh…pet don't cry, I'm here now" She kissed him lovingly as he thrust deeper inside her, making her scream as she climaxed.

"I love you" she whispered as she came back down from orgasm,

"I love you too" he smiled and his thrusts became faster, making her scream his name. Hearing his name on her lips thrilled Spike so much that he unintentionally vamped out, unable to switch back to his human visage he looked away from her as she climaxed for the second time. When she came back down she noticed what he was doing and began kissing tenderly the demonic bumps on his forehead, making him look at her again,

"Don't hide from me baby" she whispered, "I love you, all of you…even these" she gently kissed him on the lips and ran her tongue over his razor-sharp fangs, cutting her tongue a little on them.

Spike unconsciously sucked on the cut, tasting her coppery blood and staring into her green eyes with his golden ones. The taste of her blood and the way she was moaning as he sucked was too much, and he came as she climaxed for the third time.

As they both came back down, he was thankful that he was able to control himself enough to change back into his human visage, and he kissed her again. She broke the kiss and whispered,

"Stay inside me tonight" he nodded and she snuggled into his chest,

"I love you so much" Spike never got tired of hearing those words,

"I love you too pet"

Spike was the first to nod off, and, before she went to sleep Buffy knew that tomorrow she would start work towards becoming the Buffy that he fell in love with four years ago. With him by her side, she felt like she could do anything in the world.


End file.
